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Daisuke
 Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
 |  Subject: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:05 am | |
| Account Name: Daisuke ______________________________________________ Character: DaisukeChange: +1,460,000 Drachma +10 Intelligence +2 Accuracy Doppel - (6+1) Type: Offensive & Supportive Incantation: - Range: - Effect: Summons doppelganger clones ,Doppels, that are able to use any magic related to the doppelganger only for now but are able to use other specific magic spells once it’s stronger .Doppels are suitable to become weapons ,the stronger the Doppels become ,there will be more availability in becoming further complex weapons .They are also able to be in disguise of other people and objects to gather information without being able to be sensed by its presence unless there is a higher ranking barrier-sensor with the area . All clones are half the strength of the original. Taking form of slight complex machinery is now available . Overdrive - (6+1) Type: Offensive & Defensive Incantation: - Range: Mid-range Effect: This is Daisuke’s main specialty .It uses Daisuke’s body as the medium for it to take place changing Daisuke into a human weapon .It’s able to be formed into any kinds of shape based on creativity using it to Daisuke’s advantage .Now ,it’s able to take form of slight complex machineries and it is able to lengthen up to reach mid-range. Sagitta Magica - (6+1) Type: Offensive & Supportive Incantation: [Number] spiritus [element] coentes sagittet inimicum Range: Mid-range Effect: Like all normal ones but Daisuke’s version allows him to form his into different kinds of shapes and it’s able to merge with his Overdrive by absorbing it into his body giving an extra boost of strength and speed .Now .it is able to make a larger number of attacks for a larger area and the physical boost of strength and speed is x2. Azura Tempesto - (7) Type: Offensive & Supportive Incantation: Vis excitavi da mihi volo dari caelum azura Range: Mid-range Effect: He is surrounded by a blue aura that is able to absorb magical energy that comes in contact with it. However it can only absorb a total amount of magic equal to twice its rank. If this limit is exceeded then the aura will no longer protect the user from magic based attacks. Any physical attacks will function normally when the aura has not absorbed any magic. The force of any physical attack is decreased proportionally to the amount of magic the user has stored. The user may at any time release the stored energy to fuel his spells. This spell lasts for a number of posts equal to its rank before a mandatory 3 post cool down in which the spell cannot be cast. Item Received :
Digital Monocle Scanner [DSM] +5 Accuracy
A scanner that was used by a sniper to track down and aim at it's target .It has multiple functions and more that is able to be insert into it by altering it's data .It's original function were heat-sensor vision ,night vision ,target lock and a timer but Daisuke is able to add in more functions thanks to his ability but seems like he would only need it when he is doing a snipe attack since it help boost his accuracy.Sources: 2 SP, 2 MP and 200,000 Drachma 1 SP and 30,000 Drachma3 SP 3 MP 500,000 Drachma2 SP, 1 MP and 30,000 Drachma4 SP, 4 MP and 700,000 DrachmaRead as:Stats- 67 Techniques: 28/29
Last edited by Daisuke on Fri Dec 24, 2010 6:52 pm; edited 6 times in total |
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Alberio
Posts : 1609
Join date : 2010-08-07
Age : 31
Location : Ohio
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:51 am | |
| Just a question Daisuke, is english your first language? |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 4:21 am | |
| You already asked that 0wO . . . Yes ,it is my first language .Not going to ask why =w= ~* |
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Alberio
Posts : 1609
Join date : 2010-08-07
Age : 31
Location : Ohio
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 4:33 am | |
| Okay then, how old are you IRL? |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 4:51 am | |
| Okay now I am going to ask why ~? I am scared to give out persoanal info ^x^ |
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Alberio
Posts : 1609
Join date : 2010-08-07
Age : 31
Location : Ohio
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:13 am | |
| Mostly for grammatical issues. In all of your posts you put a space between the last word of a sentence and the period leaving no space between the period and the next word.
ALso your use of comas is inverted. The comas should be next to the end of the last word and a space should be between the coma and the next word.
Furthermore I have found consistent grammatical errors within this application. Unneccessary modifiers such as;
"more stronger"
"into his body like for extra strength" (the like is unnecessary here)
"the power boost at its current rank of power" (power is redundant)
These factors lead me to believe that you either
A. Don't read what you write
B. Have some form of Dyslexia
C. Are young enough that such grammatical inconsistencies can be overlooked and your use of english has not been mastered yet.
Option D. was that english was not your first language but you have eliminated this possibility yourself.
So I am curious as to which if any of my hypothesis are correct, as I cannot seem to grasp the reason for your grammatical waywardness.
Also Azura Tempesto seems a little overpowered. Maybe a rank 8 technique for that or something but I don't know. Can I get another mods opinion on this? |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:43 am | |
| Hmm well this is my level of english haha ,it's pretty bad I guess . . . but no one told me anything bout it earlier so I thought it as normal . . .Anyways sorry for the grammatical problems  A. Nah I do read [except sometimes ,I'm just lazy] B.Dyslexia . . . ???? C.Are young enough =v= No ,my english is not mastered yet . D.It IS my first language Besides I seem to have already given out my age since next year ,I will finally be in high school [If I am not mistaken ,some country calls it middle school but my country doesn't] Well just tell me if I've got any grammatical problems since I am bad at noticing it . |
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Alberio
Posts : 1609
Join date : 2010-08-07
Age : 31
Location : Ohio
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:51 am | |
| Well just for future reference a period ends a sentence with the period falling directly after the last word (no spaces in between. Followed by two spaces between the period and and the next word (which will start the next sentence).
Just poor grammar mostly making me question your age and capability... although if you are living in an english speaking country outside of the USA then that might explain some dialectical differences. Still, the grammar on this post describing the abilities was just bad enough that I finally burst and had to say something about it.
Anywho, just look through the techniques here again because some of them I am having a difficulty telling what they are. Just reword them and I should be abe to give you a better picture of whether or not they can be accepted. |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 6:23 am | |
| By period ,I supposed you meant a full stop [.] right ?
Update . |
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bex
Posts : 484
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : in your bedroom ;)
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:14 am | |
| Im not gonna stress on grammar or anything but I found alot of your techniques broken personally.
Before even that.I dont know if anyone has done this and if its legit or not,but DSM shouldn't give you accuracy boost.You can use it for passive abilities,like tracking sensing and analysis or w/e.But using it for boost like like saying 9 sp from a single mission(since you already got 4 sp for that mission).For all abilities of your saying that they become more complex with increasing levels and can become weapons n %*@!.Do clarify which ones exactly.Since it might cause alot of discrepancy in PVP battles.You can of course use any you want in normal missions since your char ability is such.
Azura tempesto is really broken.Lets you absorb physical and magic attacks,gives a x2 boost and can be used in offensive as well? |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:28 am | |
| Any idea on how to fix this so that Azura Tempesto is suitable for it's current ranking? Would like to know your suggestions and advice  About the DSM, should I lower the stat boost or maybe none at all? If you would prefer for it to have none, that wouldn't be a problem since I don't mind.Your opinions please *smile* Is this way better, Al? I tried what you said and hopefully I did it right. |
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Alberio
Posts : 1609
Join date : 2010-08-07
Age : 31
Location : Ohio
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 1:48 pm | |
| Yes much better thank you Lets see... The stat boost provided by the DSM is the most important part but I will b upfront with you now, you will probably need to to pay to get it... this is a rough guess but I'd say it would cost you maybe 2.5 million or so? So long as you meet the price requirements you can get any magic item you want though you always risk losing it IRP. How about if the Azura Tempesto read something like this?; Azura Tempesto - (7) Type: Offensive & Supportive Incantation: Vis excitavi da mihi volo dari caelum azura Range: Mid-range Effect: He is surrounded by a blue aura that is able to absorb magical energy that comes in contact with it. However it can only absorb a total amount of magic equal to twice its rank. If this limit is exceeded then the aura will no longer protect the user from magic based attacks. Any physical attacks will function normally when the aura has not absorbed any magic. The force of any physical attack is decreased proportionally to the amount of magic the user has stored. The user may at any time release the stored energy to fuel his spells. This spell lasts for a number of posts equal to its rank before a mandatory 3 post cool down in which the spell cannot be cast. How's that sound. BTW we are negotiating now so you are free to come up with a counter offer. |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 2:02 pm | |
| If I decide not to have the DSM but sell it, could I receive the 2.5 million?  The part about "The user may at any time release the stored energy to fuel his spells" is supportive, so what about the offensive? Unless you just change it to Defensive... ____________________ Random stuffs [Ignore if you wish] Why blue aura  Pikachu use Counter Attack ! |
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bex
Posts : 484
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : in your bedroom ;)
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 2:07 pm | |
| Is this supposed to be a defensive barrier or some offensive move? |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Tue Dec 21, 2010 2:11 pm | |
| Well I thought of making it like Magia Erebia which is offensive and supportive =v=" |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Wed Dec 22, 2010 6:00 am | |
| Azura Tempesto - (7)
Type: Offensive & Supportive
Incantation: Vis excitavi da mihi volo dari caelum azura
Range: Mid-range
Effect: He is surrounded by a blue aura that is able to absorb magical energy that comes in contact with it. However it can only absorb a total amount of magic equal to twice its rank. If this limit is exceeded then the aura will no longer protect the user from magic based attacks. Any physical attacks will function normally when the aura has not absorbed any magic. The force of any physical attack is decreased proportionally to the amount of magic the user has stored. The user may at any time release the stored energy to fuel his spells. This spell lasts for a number of posts equal to its rank before a mandatory 3 post cool down in which the spell cannot be cast.
I guess it fits. I'll just have it as it is for now.
Also, I decided not to have the DSM in the end since it's kind of useless for my character. So I guess it's all done? |
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Umibouzu
Posts : 2815
Join date : 2010-01-26
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Wed Dec 22, 2010 6:05 am | |
| Technically it would be Caerula Tempesta |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Wed Dec 22, 2010 6:21 am | |
| Okay... |
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bex
Posts : 484
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : in your bedroom ;)
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Wed Dec 22, 2010 6:32 am | |
| You shouldn't throw away items just cause they give you no stat boost.Trust me even in PVP abilities do matter.For example you can use it to see through stuff and sensing.Normally you would have to create a discipline (which does not have as much scope as an item) as an alternative,or even a technique (waste of mp/kp).
Also you can always string various techniques with an item. |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Wed Dec 22, 2010 7:22 am | |
| So I gues I'll just have to pay the 2.5 million drachma then[is it even ths prize by the way?] I might make a skill and dicipline soon because it's needed for my storyline |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Thu Dec 23, 2010 6:51 am | |
| Updated. If anything is missing, please help me handle it.  |
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Daisuke
Posts : 1468
Join date : 2010-05-02
Location : Position Lock On
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Fri Dec 24, 2010 5:00 am | |
| I did Ryousuke's profile just incase it was need and . He just has a different history and name. Drachma, stats, magic, weapon and equipment is the same/shared for both character.
- Spoiler:
Account Name: Daisuke
______________________________________________________________________
Name: Ryousuke
Nickname:
Age: 10
Gender: Male
Height: 3’’9
Weight: 30kg
Group: N/A
Reputation: 0
Rank: D
Affiliation: Light
Blood-type: Unknown
Likes: Ryousuke likes to play a lot of sports but tends to slack off sometimes when his too exhausted .Foods that has a lot of cream and sugar to rev-up his energy .Somewhere cozy and comfortable surrounding to take a cat nap .He also likes to draw to bring out his everyday’s creativity .
Dislikes: He dislikes bitter and spicy food till he goes crazy once it’s in his mouth .Studying is not his specialty because he is just lazy .
Fears: His past
Physical Description: Ryousuke is Daisuke’s identical twin so they look the same .He is a little short but still growing .He has a normal body that is slightly muscular but isn’t fat nor too thin .His skin is slightly tanned in color .He has a autumn red hair and sunset red eyes .
Magic Keywords: Dop Pe Ru
Ki or Magic? Magic
Clothing: He usually changes his clothing from time to time
Accessories: A pendant and wristlet that holds parts of his memory
Extra: A seemingly tattoo on his left hand but he rarely shows it sometimes even covering it when his playing sports since he would wear a sleeveless shirt during then or when his going to swim .
Personality
He acts the same way as Daisuke since they are twins .Ryousuke is a playful energetic little kid though he tends to slack off at times when he is really exhausted .He is really kind to people that people tends to like him .He usually does his best when he is under high pressure or has a target .He is quite a quick reactor that he is sensitive to his surrounding’s presence .Ryousuke also has another hidden personality of his which happens when his unconscious .
History
His past is a total wreck till he lost most of his memory like Daisuke but they were separated when they were 5.Eventhough Daisuke went disappearing to Earth for some unknown reason ,Ryousuke remain in the Magic World .He was an orphan that was adopted a young lady around the age of 20 named Haname Rika and became friends with her little identicle twin sisters named Haname Yuka and Haname Karin of the same age as Ryousuke .They attend a normal magic school together with the twins while Rika takes care of all 3 of them .Ryousuke learned Sagitta Magica together with the YukaRin, a short form of calling them ,from Rika-nee .
Ryousuke didn’t go through the same suffering as Daisuke but he was also anxious of his past but there’s no point leaving the family he has right now just to find out his past was what he thought but there are thing that awaits him soon but first would be the meeting back up with his unknown and missing twin brother ,Daisuke .
Class Doppelganger – Data Manipulator ,beings made of data themselves transforming into a human weapon .
UpdatedHopefully everything is fine now? |
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TheWill
Admin
Posts : 4808
Join date : 2010-01-25
Age : 28
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Sat Dec 25, 2010 3:21 am | |
| NPC's will be tagged along your profile.
I'll do the modification, checking if it's alright now. |
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TheWill
Admin
Posts : 4808
Join date : 2010-01-25
Age : 28
| | Subject: Re: Dai's upgrade Sat Dec 25, 2010 3:27 am | |
| Though Sagitta is borderline, it's all good. Approved and completed. |
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